But he can’t realize that if you are displaying the negative behavior that he’s now complaining about. It’s almost never a bad idea to regroup, calm down, and come at it later.įrankly, if your husband can realize that his anger and spite is displaced and underserved, he will likely back off. But doing so is only going to make this worse and it is bad enough already. I know that it is very tempting to stand there and defend yourself and tell him just what you think of him. I know that I am asking for a lot of restraint. Once we both calm down and commit to talking to one another in a more civil way, we can address this.” Things are too painful and volatile right now and I don’t want to stand here and listen to you say these things to me. I do not accept that my actions justify your cheating, but we will have to talk about that another day. Regardless, we clearly aren’t going to be able to work anything out while we are both so angry. And although my actions clearly trouble you, they are certainly not as malicious as cheating. And the core issue is the affair, which seems to be overshadowed by your words about my actions. I’m not going to engage in a conversation where we talk to one another in this way. I’m sorry that you feel I’m controlling but that is never going to be a valid excuse to cheat. “That’s quite hurtful, but I suppose that was the entire point.
If you think you might want to one day save your marriage OR you find it best not to engage with him to make things worse (which is frankly almost always my preferred way to deal with this,) I’d suggest something like this. Handling The Spitefulness: How you handle this completely depends on what you want moving forward. Again, this is not an excuse, but it lets you know what you are dealing with. The spiteful words were a way to make sure to enhance the hurt and, when they came out of his mouth, he just could not stop himself. Perhaps your husband did genuinely feel that you were acting in a negative way, but rather than approach you and try to work through this like the adult that he is, he resorted to committing a selfish act which he knew would hurt you. He May Be Trying To Hurt You: As immature as this might sound, sometimes an affair is an attempt to “get back” at a spouse for some perceived wrong doing. And although it is directed at you, that doesn’t mean that you are the only place where his anger is directed. I’m just trying to point out that anger is often a very common precursor to (and symptom of) an affair. Please don’t think that I am defending them.
After all, their spouse is an easy target and if they can direct their anger at their spouse, they just might find some justification for their cheating. And they might project these feelings of anger onto their spouse. Often though, these folks are angry with themselves and with their lives.
In fact, I’d go so far as to suggest that the anger may have contributed to the cheating. So it’s not unusual for someone who is cheating to be struggling with feelings of anger. But, you often see people cheat when things are falling apart in their life or within their consciousness. I firmly believe this almost without exception. He May Be Feeling A Lot Of Anger And He’s Not Sure Where To Direct It: I write a lot of articles which indicate that people cheat during a time of personal crisis and vulnerability. Below, I’ll list some reasons that he may be acting in this way and how you might address it. This isn’t uncommon, but it sure is frustrating. But why does he have to be so spiteful? He acts as if I deserved to be cheated on.”
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And he told me that she was far prettier and younger than me and that she knew how to make a man feel good instead of miserable. He told me that she doesn’t nag or criticize him. He told me that she was kind and supportive of him. It’s why I have to turn to someone else to escape from your nastiness.’ And then, without skipping a beat, he want on to tell me how far superior the other woman is to me. And then he said, with tons of anger in his voice ‘your negativity is why I am cheating on you. He was going on and on about how he feels suffocated by our marriage. He was telling me how controlling and miserable I am. However, this often isn’t true if the husband is mean, cruel, or spiteful while making that confession.Ī wife might say: “last week, my husband and I got into a huge fight. Many wives admit that they have a bit more respect for their husbands if he confesses to the cheating himself. My Spouse Was So Spiteful To Me When Admitting To Cheatingįinding out your husband has been cheating is painful enough.
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